dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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