he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Randomize