Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
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