I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
You ruined the universe
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
