Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize