the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
