I CAN MOONWALK!
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
