i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
