Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
