I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Randomize
