worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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