There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
You can't special order awesome
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Oh god it's open bar.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
