I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
