I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
