none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
