Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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