He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I think my vagina is haunted
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
