I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
