Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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