why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
