Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
