I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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