oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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