Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
