now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
They have beer where we have blood.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
