He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Randomize
