dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
