Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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