We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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