Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
