I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
