You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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