When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Randomize
