I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
