I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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