Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
