Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
