i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
