i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
