im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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