it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
