i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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