why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
