he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
he was CRYING into my vagina
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
