Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
