you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Also, beer. Big fan.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
