My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
