he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
