I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
