well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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