I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
