the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
