I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
