fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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