I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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