I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
