my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
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