I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
