sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I wish you could order shots online.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Randomize
