The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
