I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
