I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
