I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
