You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
lol hangovers are for mortals.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
