I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
