there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
