So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
