i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
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