So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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