I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
the day after is always just damage control
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
