in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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