I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
