First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
