Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
you told grandpa to call you daddy
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
